Pink Kryptonite
by iFlipForRizzles
Summary: Supergirl is introduced to pink kryptonite for the first time. You know, the kind that makes kryptonians gay. For Supercat March Madness: crack week
**Well I tried my best, but I've found I generally write crack!fic better when I really loathe the show I'm writing about (hashtag once upon a time). As I am currently in love with Supergirl – the show and the hero – this might not be as crack-ish. Oh well.**

 **Canon divergent; this story is mostly canon through 1x17, except for Lucy and James's break up. She's still at CatCo, and Alex is running the DEO. J'onn is on the run.**

"Supergirl!" Alex cried, rushing down the dark alleyway to her sister. "Were you hit?"

Kara grimaces, pulling her hand away from her sleeve. It was torn at the bicep. Damn. This material Winn found was stronger than most, but also a lot harder to repair. Whichever DEO agent was in charge of uniforms this week was gonna be so pissed at her.

Beneath the tear her skin was smooth, but that didn't necessarily mean she hadn't been hit. "I think so? I thought I felt a graze."

"Shit, I'm on uniforms!" Kara winced apologetically. "I mean, I'm glad you're not hurt?" Alex walked over to the heap of alien lying unconscious by the dumpster, a dagger type weapon with a glowing pink blade still clutched in her fist. "Pink? Seriously?" Alex picked it up with a gloved hand, bagging it for transfer to the base. She cuffed the prisoner for good measure before Kara heaved her up in a fireman's hold and headed back to the van.

When they arrived back at headquarters Alex hurried off to her lab to exam her new toy while Kara was taken to her tanning bed _just in case_. She hated lying in there with nothing to do. She didn't exactly do 'sitting still' very well.

"I feel fine, Suze!" she insisted, unleashing the full power of her baby blue puppy dog eyes on the unsuspecting agent. Alex once told her that look could be weaponized.

Vasquez stared her down, expression completely devoid of emotion.

"Alright, I didn't wanna have to do this," Kara warned seriously, "but you've left me with no choice." Her lower lip slid out _just_ slightly into a sad little pout.

Vasquez continued looking at her for a moment longer. She blinked once, and then, "My orders are to make sure you stay under that lamp until Agent Danvers has ascertained the chemical makeup of the weapon with which you were hit."

Kara groaned, slamming her head back onto the bed. She felt it dent only a little, but she knew she would still be reprimanded for it later. She sighed at the thought.

Vasquez shook her head at Kara's theatrics but made no comment on the damage, instead turning to face the monitor behind her. Her focus always seemed to shift automatically to the nearest technology in a room. Kara's eyes couldn't help but travel over the other woman's body, from her strong shoulders down to her firm ass – WAIT HOLD ON.

Kara snapped her head back to face the top of the sun bed, eyes blown wide. _Where did that come from?!_

Just then Alex entered the room, the dagger pinched between her thumb and forefinger. "I've just finished analyzing the weapon."

"Already?" Kara asked, pleasantly surprised (and relieved for the distraction from her thoughts).

"Yes, because it's kryptonite."

Kara's face was an image of disbelief. "What? How is that possible?"

"I'm not sure. I called Maxwell Lord, but he's insisting this isn't his doing."

"And you believe him?" Kara asked incredulously.

"After what happened the last time he was experimenting with otherworldly weaponry? Yes. He may be a lot of things, but an idiot isn't one of them."

Kara harrumphed like she wanted to disagree, but she knew deep down Alex was right. "Okay, so how do we figure out what it does?"

"I think we should try calling your cousin. He seems to know about a lot of things we don't. Maybe this is one of them."

"Yeah, and I can think of someone else who knows more than he lets on," Kara added with a frown.

S

Half an hour later James came striding into the DEO like he owned the place, Winn scampering along behind him because he "didn't want to be left out."

 _Thanks for the concern, buddy_ Kara couldn't help but think sarcastically. She then took a quick glance at the dark window across from her to make sure her veins weren't flashing a weird color, because she didn't _do_ sarcasm. But she looked fine, and felt fine, so she begrudgingly lay back down on the bed while the call to her cousin rang.

Kara's eyes kept landing on Vasquez every few seconds, who was now sending her odd looks every time it happened, and the hero would look away, horrified at her less than wholesome thoughts about her sister's friend.

"Hello?" Clark's voice sounded throughout the room, courtesy of the speaker phone. "Alex?"

Kara cut in before anyone else could speak. "WHAT DOES PINK KRYPTONITE DO?"

The other occupants of the room stared at her, surprised at the outburst. She heard James splutter a little and she looked at him, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Kara?" her cousin asked.

"Yes, hi, hello, can you please answer the question? Considering you knew about green kryptonite for twelve years and never bothered to warn me, we figured you might know about this new kind as well."

Kara's nerves had her speaking a tad more bluntly, and perhaps also a bit more rudely, than usual. But she justified it with her memories of red kryptonite. The situation she was in now could prove to be dire.

"Uh..." he seemed to be searching for the right words and Kara huffed impatiently.

"Kal-El I swear to Rao if you don't answer me I'm telling everyone in this room – including Jimmy – about the time I babysat you back on Krypton and you –"

"Okay, okay! Jeez, there's no need for that! Yes, I know what pink kryptonite does. It, uh, I came across it about a year ago. An alien, I'm assuming a Fort Rozz escapee, was experimenting with green kryptonite in an abandoned warehouse. She said she was trying to make a cure for it, but couldn't seem to get it right. Next thing I know she hit me with both, and when it was clear the pink kryptonite wasn't counteracting the green she took off."

"Yeah, I think we just got her tonight," Alex interjected. "She must've had the pink kind with her because it could still be used to injure Kara."

"That makes sense. It doesn't do anything else harmful to our kind," he explained, sounding ... embarrassed?

"Okay but what _does_ it do?" Kara interjected again, still impatient, though the panic had gone from her voice now that she knew she wasn't in any danger or a threat to those around her.

"It, uh, it gives us, oh how do I put this?"

"HOW ABOUT IN WORDS CLARK?"

"It gives us homosexual tendencies!"

Kara's mouth fell open while everyone in the room turned to her with wide-eyed stares. Naturally, Kara's gaze fell on Vasquez again, lingering a little bit too long on her chest-region.

"That explains a lot," she whispered, unintentionally loud enough for everyone else to hear. Her face flushing instantly, she cleared her throat and looked away again, back to the phone in Alex's hand. "So, um, how do we neutralize its effects?"

"You can't." Kara's shoulders sagged. "It uh, only lasts about a day."

Kara noticed James fidgeting in her peripheral.

"James? What's wro- Oh. Oh!" James winced, his gaze fixed firmly on his shoes. Kara couldn't stop picturing it; her baby cousin and her former crush.

"Oh hey look at that, I gotta go. It was nice talking to you, Kar." Clark hung up the phone without another word.

"So," Alex stated, grinning slyly at James. "That's why Lucy used to get so jealous of Supergirl." James sent her a glare, but he couldn't deny it.

Winn and Susan were still staring at Kara with shock, though the latter seemed highly amused by the situation as well.

"Well, the good news is you're not in any danger," she pointed out. "The bad news? Sounds like you're in for a very _distracting_ day at work tomorrow." She smirked at Kara's sudden look of alarm before making her exit from the room. Kara was pretty sure she added a bit of sway to her hips as she went. Because of course Kara was looking again. _Dammit_.

"You don't have to go to work tomorrow," Alex suggested. "Take a sick day. Lord knows you have enough saved up."

"I can't do that!" Kara sounded horrified at the mere suggestion. "I've already used three of them in the last few months, when I never used to take them at all!"

"Technically you never left that first time, and the second time you – or kind of you? – came in for a few hours, so you've really only used…" Winn pointed out, only to wither under the sharp look Kara gave him. "No, yeah, you're right. Cat would have a stroke."

Shaking her head, Kara turned her attention back to her sister. "No, I'll just have to ride it out. It's just for a day. How bad can it be?"

S

And actually it really wasn't so bad, at least at first. The only difference was that she was suddenly aware of how many beautiful women there were in National City. Her head was on a near constant swivel during her walk to work, causing her several times to walk right into someone. She apologized profusely each time it happened, stuttering through it when she bumped into another woman.

Her morning got a little more complicated when she stumbled over Miss Grant's usual coffee order, as she took notice of the gorgeous barista she saw almost every morning.

Things got progressively worse from there, when she ran into Lucy in the elevator at CatCo.

"I, um, I really like that dress on you," Kara stuttered out, unable to keep herself from talking.

"Thanks," Lucy replied, smiling brightly up at her. Kara gulped, eyes flicking over Lucy's form before fixing on the floor.

"And your perfume. It – you always smell really nice." Heat flooded her face and she tossed her head back, looking up as if for help from a higher power. _Why can't I stop talking?_

Lucy just giggled, staring at Kara curiously.

They reached their floor, saving Kara from saying anything more embarrassing, and James met them in the hall. She took one guilty look at him before scurrying off to her desk. His forehead crinkled in confusion.

"What was that about?" he asked his girlfriend, arm wrapping around her in a side hug when she leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"I think she was flirting with me?" Lucy answered uncertainly, still bemused by the encounter.

"Oh, yeah, she had a little accident yesterday." She pestered him all the way to his office for the whole story.

But it was only a few minutes later that Kara completely lost any chill she might have had left, when Cat Grant stepped out of her private elevator – all tight dress and confident stride and high, high heels. Kara took one look at her impossibly attractive boss and the latte she had been about to offer to the woman slipped right out of her fingers. Thankfully none of the hot liquid landed on Cat's shoes, though Kara wasn't quite as lucky.

"M-miss Grant! I am so, so sorry, I don't know what happened!"

Cat rolled her eyes at her klutz of an assistant. "Just, clean it up," Cat bit out, stepping over the puddle, her stride as wide as possible in the confines the fabric wrapped around her thighs. "And get me another latte; full this time, if you can manage it."

Kara actually tripped over her own feet in her haste to follow through with the demands.

S

Throughout the course of the day Kara found herself staring wistfully into her boss's office, elbow on her desk, chin resting in the palm of her hand. Every now and then a soft sigh would escape her lips.

It was near the end of the work day when Cat finally huffed out a loud breath, setting her tablet and glasses down on her desk, and called out, "Kiera!"

Kara was up and around her seat in a (human) instant. When she entered the room, Cat beckoned with a finger for her to follow, heading out onto the balcony. Kara obliged without question.

"I couldn't help but notice how distracted you've been today; even more than usual, that is." Cat was using her falsely sweet voice, the one that meant she was building up for a massive tirade. Something clenched low in Kara's stomach. "Now I don't know what's gotten into you, but I expect –"

Cat had been facing away from Kara, walking the length of the balcony, but when she turned it was to find her assistant unexpectedly close behind her. Without a thought Kara leaned in and kissed her.

She pressed her lips hard to Cat's, but it was chaste and quick, little more than a lingering peck.

Kara pulled back almost as instantly as she'd leaned in, eyes flying open and hands coming up to cover her mouth in shock. Cat's expression was unreadable.

"Miss Grant, I am so... I don't know what came over me. It's just, that, that's why I've been so distracted all day." Kara's face, already so pink, flushed even further at the unintended admission.

Cat cleared her throat, her gaze intense as it met Kara's. "As I was saying." Kara's brows furrowed in confusion. Was she really off the hook for such an egregious infraction? "I don't know what's gotten into you..." Cat smirked, and Kara felt her heartbeat speed up in anticipation, though for what she didn't know. "But it's about time."

Kara nearly flung herself off the balcony at the suggestive tone, but then Cat's hands were curling into the front of Kara's shirt and pulling her – actually pulling her, as Kara's entire body had gone completely limp with Cat's words – in for another kiss.

This one wasn't chaste or quick. She molded her lips to Kara's, sucking on her bottom lip before biting it lightly. Her tongue licked over the spot that would have stung for a human, and Kara's jaw dropped open with a gasp. Cat took the opportunity to slide her tongue into her assistant's mouth, causing one or both of them to moan.

Cat, seeming to remember her surroundings, broke away from Kara, leaving a kiss on her neck before stepping back completely to give them both room to breathe.

"Wow," Kara whispered, staring in wonder at the woman before her.

"Hmm, yes. We should probably discuss this at a more appropriate time." Kara nodded mutely in agreement, an earnest look in her eyes. "How about Friday, say seven o'clock?" While it was phrased as a question, Cat's tone informed Kara that it would be a good idea to say yes.

"O-okay."

"Good. Now that that's settled I suggest you get back to your job. My appointments won't schedule themselves." There was a playful glint in Cat's eyes that belied the seriousness of her command.

Kara returned to her desk in a daze, dreamy smile spread across her lips, now covered in a shade of lipstick that was entirely not her own. She slumped into her chair and let out a sigh. She could feel Winn shooting her concerned looks from his desk, but she wasn't ready to let any of her friends ruin this moment quite yet. She didn't want to have to think about what she would say to Cat when the effects of the pink k wore off, or any of the other consequences of this day. She just wanted to stay in her happy bubble for a little while longer.

So naturally that's when her phone rang out on her desk, Alex's name and goofy smile flashing across the screen.

"Hi," she answered, failing to get her voice back to any semblance of normality.

"Kara? Is everything ok? You sound weird."

"Everything's great," she assured, trying her hardest not to giggle.

"So where have you been? I've called three times."

"I'm at work, obviously. What would I be doing besides working? Nothing, that's what."

"O-kay? Anyway, I'm calling because we recovered some footage from the fight yesterday and, Kara, you were never hit with the pink kryptonite."

"What?" Kara sat up straight in her chair. "No, that can't be right. Why else I would I have been checking out Vasquez before we even called my cousin?"

"Latent bisexuality?" Susan's unexpected voice sounded over the phone. Kara gasped at the intrusion and the agent burst out laughing, clearly still amused by Kara's uncharacteristic ogling from the previous day. Alex sent her away, but her tone was equally mirthful.

"I don't know what to tell you, Kara, but that wasn't because of any pink kryptonite exposure."

"So, what you're telling me is that I just made out with my boss, the most powerful person in National City, of my own free will?" Interestingly, Kara's tone sounded more hopeful and relieved than fearful and distressed by this information.

"YOU DID WHAT?"

"Mmm, sorry Alex, I gotta go. Apparently I have a date to plan."

"No, wait, Kara – !"

 **So I wrote more than half of this on my phone when I was all but asleep in bed last night. I tried to clean it up as best as I could, but I'm sure I missed some things.**


End file.
